Blinded
by emsummer
Summary: This is a post episode story for Leaving Out All the Rest. It's implied GSR and G/LH friendship. It's an attempt at making me feel better and I hope it brings you some reprieve as well. They're not mine, I'm just borrowing them to create my own reality.


For hours he lingered on the edge of consciousness, his mind unable to stay still long enough to give in to well needed sleep. He found himself torn between wanting to break free from the memories that kept flooding his mind every time he closed his eyes and the need to remember every single detail; every first time, every last time.

Eventually sleep did claim him but it was at a cost. He dreamed more in that one night than he'd ever dreamed in his adult life and each one was filled with her. They were some good dreams imbued with her beauty and laughter, some erotic ones that captured her passionate and lustful side and then they were the inevitable nightmares punctuated with tears and harsh words. Those were the ones that he'd been trying to escape by avoiding sleep.

When the early morning hours found him awake if not entirely rested, something dawned on him. He could physically avoid her all he wanted; he'd never be able to forget her nor did he think he wanted to. The hold she had on him was beyond anything he ever experienced and if that scared him to death, it also stopped him from being able to give her up.

He woke up alone, a chair pulled up next to the bed the sole sign that someone else had been there.

Sleeping over at Heather's might not have been the smartest decision but it gave him the opportunity to finally admit why he came here in the first place. He wasn't surprised when he was met with reticence, after all this was entering a whole realm of personal space but he couldn't count on anyone else's objective opinion. Heather wouldn't sugarcoat him; she'd tell it like it is.

"Are you sure you want to do this Grissom?" Heather gracefully reached for her cup of tea, taking the tiniest of sip. She nodded towards the other cup, inviting him to do the same. "Sara might not appreciate you sharing something so intimate."

Grissom's voice was barely a whisper when he answered. "I'm at a loss as to what else to do."

"Very well then, I'll do my best." She'd adopted a more professional tone; it was the psychologist not the friend who he needed this time.

"Thank you." He stood up, holding his cup of tea with a shaky hand and left the room. He was unable to sit through the video one more time. He'd replayed it countless times, breaking it down frame by frame, failing miserably at convincing himself that she didn't mean it. It was her last words that had brought him here. _I think it's better this way._ Something rang false every time he heard it but he couldn't trust his instincts anymore. Maybe it was just wishful thinking that deep down, she still wanted to be with him.

It didn't take Heather very long to call him back to the room and he wasn't sure if that was a good sign. The message couldn't be more obvious, she would tell him. Maybe he just needed to hear it from somebody else in order to actually believe it.

"Grissom, may I ask you something?" She waited until he joined her on the sofa but didn't give him time to reply before asking. "What did you expect when Sara left?"

He gave a puzzle frown. "I'm not sure I understand what you mean. I didn't know she would leave, I didn't think-"

"I think you knew exactly what would happen." It wasn't a question this time. "You might not have known when or where she would go but as long as you made the decision to stay here in Vegas, you had to know that eventually you would come home to find her gone. I don't pretend to know Sara or the details of your relationship but from what you've told me and what I gathered from the video, she made it quite clear to you just how unhappy she was here."

She held up her hand as he was about to interrupt her. "Just listen to me, please. You wanted my opinion."

"I'm sorry." He sat back reluctantly. "Of course, go on."

"I think that you also expected that she would always come back. That she might leave on her adventures and do whatever she needed to do in order to make her feel better but that she would come back, every time. And when she didn't…I think it was your pride that was hurt. Because this time, she decided to put her needs before yours."

"What I want to know Grissom, is this." She held his gaze, her eyes hard, her lips pinched and he just stared at her dumbstruck. "Are you so blinded by your crushed ego that you can't see just how upset Sara is? I barely know her, yet it's quite obvious to me that she's lying through her smiles. She's not happy.

That is unless you two share the same shady definition of happiness."

"But she said it was better this way." His voice was cracking underneath his defensive front.

"She also said that she thought you could make it through anything." Heather reached for his hand and looked intently at the shadow of a man sitting in front of her. She enunciated the next words slowly, hoping they would make it through his sleep deprived brain. "She's essentially letting you off the hook if you want to walk away, but telling you that she's also willing to give the relationship another chance. But Grissom, you have to act soon; she won't be sending another video."

Grissom let go of her hand and got up swiftly. Rubbing his temple, he silently willed away the migraine that would inevitably come. He found himself in front of the computer where Sara's face was frozen on the monitor and traced the curve of her jaw.

"You need to follow your heart." Heather's voice echoed his thoughts.

"My heart is on a boat at sea below the Equator."

"So what are you still doing here?"

When she walked him to the door shortly after, it wasn't without feeling a pinch of regret from what might have happened between them under different circumstances. Heather didn't find herself envying others very often but she envied Sara Sidle for having captured the heart of the elusive Gil Grissom.

As he whispered his thank you and kissed her cheek, they both knew without having to say it that this was goodbye.


End file.
